I keep waiting for the motivation to write my paper to come to me; for the words I need to say to appear in the research somewhere in the sites I browse. I'll wait until tomorrow, I'll be a little less tired, I'll have more free time, I'll sit down and just get to it.. That's like me saying I'm waiting to start eating healthy again til after I eat this ice cream.. And anyone who knows me, knows I can't turn down ice cream, so the chances of that happening are probably nonexistent.
So is it hopeless waiting for things that may or may not happen? That's something that has been on my mind a lot lately. I read a blog last week about it and since then, there's been bits and pieces of everyday life that have opened my eyes to the amount of time we spend on a daily basis waiting for something.
Let's see, in a typical day, I wake up.. I eat and go to work, where I wait for the hours to pass until I go to class, where I wait until the time is up so I can go home, where I try to do a little work, but really I'm just thinking and waiting for the next thing- whether it be to go to the gym, bible study, dinner with a friend, homework, there's always something coming that I'll be waiting for.. And most importantly, my favorite moment of the day, when I don't have to wait any longer to crawl into my bed and get all cozy with my body pillow.
Some people wait for their loved home to get home from work, for a text that may or may not come, for a hug, for word from a potential employee whether they got the job, for happiness. It comes in such a variety of things that it's hard to look around and not see someone waiting for something.
Is there anything we can do about that? I don't want to waste my life waiting for things that might not happen. I don't want to miss an opportunity because I was waiting for something else that probably won't happen. Life is so short and I'm at a point in my life where I don't know what's coming next. Graduation is a few weeks away and for once, I don't have a set plan yet. It's not something I'm used to or comfortable with, but the past few weeks I've learned to trust God with whatever He has planned.
I've had interviews, and now I wait. And waiting can be the worst part.. Because when I wait, I think. I don't just think of one scenario though, no I imagine everything. What do I do if I don't get the job? What if I have to move somewhere where I don't know anyone? What if I give up this opportunity for that and it doesn't work out? What if, what if, what if.. It's been hard and I've tried to deal with it alone, but let me tell you how far that got me. It got as far as me giving up ice cream (which just doesn't go far).
One day, mid-day, I closed my bedroom door and laid on my bed in the dark and turned on some Britt Nicole and just laid there. I knew I couldn't do anything more, that everything after graduation was out of my control, and I just prayed. That God would lead me where He wants me, that I'd be open to whatever He has in store, that I not be afraid for the future, for strength, for courage. I just needed to breathe and let God take control.
The waiting didn't disappear after that. No, it's still here, loud and clear, but my perspective changed and I know that whatever happens, I'll be just fine. The outcome could be what I want, or it couldn't, but I just have to trust that it's for the best.
But that doesn't solve my question.. How can we stop wasting so much time waiting for things that we're unsure of? If you're given an opportunity, take it. There's only so many chances you get to go on a spontaneous trip, to say something to someone that you've always wanted to say, to travel alone and realize that it isn't as scary as you thought it'd be. If you compare yourself to someone because they seem to have everything that you one day hope to have- a cute little family, a nice car, a house, I guarantee you that they feel the same way. Just because they have everything that you want, doesn't mean they aren't waiting for something else.
If we stop reaching to have the next thing and pay attention to the here and now, to what's in front of us- to the sunrises, the sunsets, the stars and the moon, the people and opportunities around us, and stop waiting for tomorrow, I think we'd be living a life much more open and appreciative to what's around us.
One of my favorite movies when I was little was A Cinderella Story.. All of this talk about waiting reminds me of one of the quotes from it:
"“Waiting for you is like waiting for rain in this drought. Useless and disappointing."
So don't sit around and wait for something, because it might just disappoint you in the end. If you want to do something, do it if you can. You don't want to look back on your life and wish you had done something, said something, gone somewhere, and regret that you didn't.
God's given us this ability to make decisions. Let's not waste that, nor our ability to be able to go out into this world. We could wait for tomorrow, but why don't we just do it today? Nobody's promised tomorrow anyways, so use your time wisely and if you must wait because it's out of your control, do things in the meantime that will bring light to this world and that you'll look back and smile on when you're older; at least that's what I'm learning as I go through this crazy life.