I'm a super softy. I feel things deeply. I think about things more often than I should. I think about people more than I should. And on top of it, I don't just ponder all of that for situations involving me. That'd be crazy, but sometimes it's even crazier that I feel that always for every person I come across.
Stranger on the street looking lost or sad? How can I not wonder what they're going through and want to ask them and tell them that everything will be okay? A friend who's super happy about something, of course I get excited. Watching someone lose the one they love after 58 years, well you might as well cue the tears now.
It's not a bad thing.. Yeah, I'll admit I do have alot of emotions and I care alot about pretty much anyone and everyone. Is that a blessing or a curse? Well, I guess that depends on the day.
The past 2 weeks that's all heightened, and now I walk around and feel like a little kid. I look in awe at the trees blossoming. I get tears in my eyes as my niece takes me out to the "garden" to plant a sunflower seed (yes, like the kind you eat) because she wants the flower to grow. The sun set changing the clouds in the sky a million different colors, reminding me that even if life gets a little cloudy, God will use it to make it something beautiful, just like he makes the clouds look beautiful.
Perspective has everything to do with it. If you're going through something tough, it's going to seem like the worst thing in the world. Unless you look at it differently. Don't look at it from our perspective, but look up and outside of it, and see the bigger picture. I spent the past week watching a loved one slowly deteriorate day by day and eventually leave to be in heaven. His wife, his children there each day, dreading the day they'd have to say goodbye.
It literally broke my heart into a million pieces. Just imagining what they feel, and feeling all of my emotions on top of that. Knowing that his wife had been by his side for 58 years and thinking of all of the life that they'd been through. The good times, the bad times, the happy and the sad.. whatever they were going through, they stuck together through it all. Trying to imagine what'd it be like to spend 58 years beside someone, and then not be able to tell them stories from the day or share dinner with them at night, cuddle up next beside them and fall asleep together anymore.
It was one of the hardest things I've been through, but at the same time, I found new strength and hope. Sure he's out of our world for now, but one day, we'll all be together again in a place where there aren't any aches, pain or tears. How awesome will that be?
He worked so hard his whole life on our family farm, so he left me with those values instilled in me, that I strive to carry out each day. To spend my life working hard to be the best that I can be, and to impact the lives of those around me. To surround myself with people like him, to be happy doing what I love and loving what I do. Some of my friends are like that, absolutely love what they do. It makes my heart so full just sitting and listening to them talk about their days and what work they did. And just like him, they inspire me, every day to keep striving to find what makes me happy and go after it with everything in me.
He loved his wife and showed us what true love is. I know what that looks like and have that hope for the future, that I can be that kind of wife who sticks by her husband. That loves him, is there for him, and doesn't ever give up. That'll be patient, kind, goofy, loving, and will do whatever I can to bring him smiles and laughter. (I mean, if you've ever lived with me, you should know that there's never a dull moment-- at any given time i'm bound to break out a princess guitar and sing songs in a southern accent).
It's taught me the value of time with loved ones and friends. One morning I was driving to work, and the next moment, everything changed. We don't ever know when our time with someone will be up. I try to live out everyday with that perspective, because then I appreciate time and the moments and memories more.
Tough times don't last, but you will. Use them as a lesson to make you a better, stronger, and more appreciative person. It's all temporary- everything about this life. We're only here for a short time, but we have such a brighter life ahead of us. Don't get bogged down on the struggles of today, but remember, the sun's always going to shine through. It'll poke through the cracks, and eventually shine through like a sunrise coming up over the horizon out in the middle of nowhere.